Camera Shy Guy

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My Instagram and YouTube videos were my way of coming out of hiding, being seen, and sharing my experience with others. I don't feel comfortable in front of the camera, that's why I did it. Looking back on them still feels painful and embarrassing, but it was the start of building myself back up. I'm leaving them up so that others who are lost like I was can follow the trail out of the darkness.



It's Not About You - Trauma, PTSD, & Recovery

It's Not About You - Trauma, PTSD, Abuse & Recovery Podcast

Real, Genuine talks about recovery, trauma, and abuse. Recovery from a toxic life is built on your responsibility. Make your life a blame-free and take yourself out of the victim role.

It's Not About You - Trauma, PTSD, & Recovery
Emotions are energy in motion, and anger has powerful energy behind it. When you fear other people's anger and you fear experiencing your anger, you have no self-protection. https://joeryan.com/podcast https://www.instagram.com/joeryan/
Build A Relationship With Your Anger
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There is a massive disconnect in the world today, where we seem to be least connected is the connection we have with self. We spend so much time looking for outward validation, and we never really take the time to learn how to validate ourselves. Everything in this life is a reflection. People can reflect on us whatever they see, be it positive or negative. It makes no difference in the long run; what matters is what we reveal to ourselves. Take the time to get to know you by stripping away that false self, all of those family systems you adopted to fit in and survive. Invest in yourself to figure out who you are, what you want, and how you want to feel. Website: https://joeryan.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan
EP 0009 – Learned Helplessness
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When we were abandoned as children, we learned that to matter to our source figures; we had to leave ourselves and become what they needed us to be. Abandonment will cause you not to have a sense of self. Your life becomes an endless quest to please the people around you to be accepted. We get stuck at a developmental stage of childhood. And we never really get past it unless we learn how to validate ourselves. Everything in this life is a mirror, a reflection. What are we reflecting on ourselves? Abandonment causes our mirror to be tainted with shame, self-hate, self-doubt, and self-humiliation. Our mirror became too painful to look at, and we end up putting too much energy into seeing our reflection from someone else’s mirror. The more you mirror your own thoughts, feelings, and emotions, the less the outside world matters. And the stronger you get within yourself.
EP 0008 Abandonment Reflection and Self Mirroring
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Drew from The Anxious Truth and I were sitting around testing out his new Podcast gear. In the testing, we got into a conversation about part of the recovery process. There were a few gems that came out in the discussion, so I decided to put it out as its own episode. We talk about when your Subconscious telling you that you’re done mood-altering. When you no longer have the energy to cover up and hide. When you are sick and tired of wearing the mask of the false self to be accepted by yourself and others, it’s time to do the work of uncovering, experiencing, facing, accepting and owing the part of you that have been cut off so that you no longer have to hide who you are, not fear your own feelings and to stop being a walking reaction to protect the parts of us we don’t want to be seen. Visit Drew at The Anxious Truth: https://theanxioustruth.com Joe at https://joeryan.com
EP 0007 – Internal Validation, Owning All Of You
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EP 0006 – Step Two, Exposure Time We are hiding the parts of us that we cut off, the pieces of us that were not acceptable as children. To protect these parts of ourselves, we create a false self. This false self was our protection, protection from our authentic self being seen by us, and by others so we could survive as a child. As adults, we no longer need this protection to survive. To tear down our false self, we have to become vulnerable, vulnerable within ourselves. We have to expose our true self, the part of us that’s been hidden by the false self. We must reexperience the pain and discomfort that we felt being our authentic selves as children by way of exposure. The more we expose and experience the pain, the more we tame the emotions that we have feared. And the more we learn to love ourselves at the core, the need to wear the mask of the false self starts to diminish, and we grow closer to the authenticity within ourselves. Website: https://joeryan.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan
EP 0006 Step Two, Exposure Time
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The false self is created when we have to cut off emotions that were unacceptable to our source figures. When unacceptable feelings and emotions we expressed, we were shamed and emotionally abandoned. Before logical thought was available to us. We cut off these emotions and were denied our reality in order to survive as children. To take the place of these emotions, we created a false self to give our source figures what they needed for us to be loved and connected. Whenever we need to access the emotions we have cut off we feel shame. This leaves us stuck in a childhood developmental stage. We never separated from our source figures emotionally. To free from this stage and the shame, we carry we must give up our role and separate from our source figures. We must go into shame and feel what we could not when we were children. Website: https://joeryan.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan
EP 0005 False Self, Shame, And Separation
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Nothing was working for me anymore. All that has brought me joy and happiness no longer did, and I had no idea why. Motivation and desire were absent from within me, and all I could do was sit in sadness. I had bottomed out, feeling that nothing outside of myself could satisfy me anymore. What I didn’t know then is that it was step one of my recovery process. I had slowly stripped away all the people, places, and things that once made me feel good. I stopped pretending I was okay and just started to be. I sat with the feelings I have always avoided and started to explore myself and the world alone. Instead of doing where I relied on others, I starting doing where I only relied on me. The new things I discovered slowly started to become a foundation of self-trust, competence, and the core of me. Website: https://joeryan.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan
EP 0004 Step One, Fed Up And Stripped Down
YouTube Video VVVTcGFvRVNZWS02Zm8zYnRYMXZ1VUdRLm5nWWhBaFU4ZW1r
After recording an episode of The Anxious Truth Podcast we just kept talking. The discussion started with my account being blocked on Instagram, the reaction from friends and followers and how their response leads me to memories that had negative actions on my path going forward. Website: https://joeryan.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan The Anxious Truth Podcast: https://theanxioustruth.com
EP 0003 Blocked On Instagram
YouTube Video VVVTcGFvRVNZWS02Zm8zYnRYMXZ1VUdRLnZJdGRrT3prNFJj
If we don't take responsibility for our own emotions and reactions we will never heal. We will live this endless loop of blame and victimhood. We will find our world getting smaller and smaller, experience less joy, and become more reactive over time. Living life as a walking reaction is no way to live. Pausing at the trauma response, not reacting and allowing yourself to feel the feelings you fear is the way to disarm the trauma response Website: joeryan.com Instagram: @joeryan Managed Wordpress Hosting Provided By iamhelix.com
EP 0001 Pause For The Trauma Response
YouTube Video VVVTcGFvRVNZWS02Zm8zYnRYMXZ1VUdRLmpPTzk0QkdnQmU0
It's Not About You - Trauma, PTSD, Abuse & Recovery Podcast: Shift Your Focus From Internalizing How You Perceive People See You And Start Looking At How You View Yourself. Validate From The Inside Out. Website: www.joeryan.com Instagram: wwww.instagram.com/joeryan
EP 0002 - Validating From The Inside Out
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Unexpected trauma responses are like getting hit by an emotional truck. Our body and emotions are taken over and we lose all sense of clarity as we are taken back to the time of the original trauma. We feel the original fear and panic, we are scared and react instantly. Our first response is to blame. If we can hold off on our blame response and pause to feel the feelings we are overwhelmed with, only then can we start to end the unconscious reactive patterns and free ourselves from trauma responses.
Pause at the trauma response
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Blaming keeps us in the victim role and takes away all of our power. We give all of our energy and emotions away when we blame others. Taking accountability is empowering, difficult but empowering. When you are triggered and want to blame, don’t! Sit with the uncomfortable and painful feelings, own them, grieve them and then let them go. Don’t spend your life in chains of your reactions.
Taking accountability for trauma responses
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What emotions did you have to cut off to be loved? How have you overcompensated for not having your full range of emotions? Part of recovery is incorporating the emotions we have cut off back into our lives.
Do you have full access to all of your emotions
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When you set a boundary you are letting someone know where your responsibility ends and their responsibility begins.
A boundary is a responsibility line
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If you were shamed as a child for setting boundaries by expressing your limits chances are you are still finding it difficult as an adult. Boundaries are your protection, it feels someone where they end and you begin. Avoiding setting boundaries to not deal with the feelings that arise when doing so makes us door mats and people pleasers. No healthy relationship can exist without healthy boundaries
Fear of setting boundaries
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Changing yourself for the better is a difficult process. We have taken on roles that we have depended on for validation, acceptance, and self-worth. As we abandon our roles we will feel judgment from ourselves and the people close to us. We will feel the loss of acceptance and self-worth for a time but will be stronger and more whole at the core as we leave the role and enter the self. This judgment both internal and external is a powerful force that must be felt in order for change to be possible.
Judgment of Change
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Relying on others to fill us up leads to disappointment and blame. Expecting others to meet our needs and clear a path so we don’t feel any pain or discomfort takes away our own accountability and gives away our empowerment.
I am my own responsibility
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The depth of an emotional relationship is determined by how vulnerable the two of you can be together. If you are pushing away instead of becoming vulnerable then the pattern begins and the relationship starts to erode. The emotional blind stop is where vulnerability becomes real and necessary
Emotional blind spots in relationships
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finding the things that you don’t love about yourself, the things that you hide, the things you can’t accept, the things you have cut off... Expose yourself to all the negativity inside of you. feel all the negative feelings that these things produce. Sit with these feelings, embrace them, own them and love them the easiest way to explain it. If there is something about you that makes you feel embarrassed about yourself, expose yourself to that feeling so you no longer have to use your precious energy to hide it. I have to humiliate myself to myself to enter into my humility and my humanity. To parent myself and let me know that the things I can’t except within myself are lovable so that I can finally accept them and move on to a more free existence
How to be vulnerable with yourself
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You can't out-think or outrun pain. Stop looking for validation outside of yourself to avoid the pain and start validating yourself to remove the pain
Get up, get out and feed your soul
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Look inside and find the parts that you have hidden from yourself...... find them, embrace them, own them and love them. Vulnerability with yourself brings inner strength and inner freedom
Be Fiercely Vulnerable With Yourself
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