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I stopped by Anxious Truth Podcast Episode 140.
Often, leaving an abusive relationship is difficult and is done slowly because of the intense feelings and fear it can trigger.  Leaving an abuser may bring about feelings of guilt, betrayal, and abandonment.

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All right, today we're going to talk about coming out of hiding. We're hiding stuff from ourselves from the world; we throw layers of protection around it so that we don't see it. Nobody ever sees it. Because we can't handle the pain of feeling the parts of us that were not accepted.

Emotions are energy in motion, and anger has powerful energy behind it. When you fear other people's anger and you fear experiencing your anger, you have no self-protection.

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Unexpected trauma responses are like getting hit by an emotional truck. Our body and emotions are taken over and we lose all sense of clarity as we are taken back to the time of the original trauma. We feel the original fear and panic, we are scared and react instantly. Our first response is to blame. If we can hold off on our blame response and pause to feel the feelings we are overwhelmed with, only then can we start to end the unconscious reactive patterns and free ourselves from trauma responses.

Blaming keeps us in the victim role and takes away all of our power. We give all of our energy and emotions away when we blame others. Taking accountability is empowering, difficult but empowering. When you are triggered and want to blame, don’t! Sit with the uncomfortable and painful feelings, own them, grieve them and then let them go. Don’t spend your life in chains of your reactions.

What emotions did you have to cut off to be loved? How have you overcompensated for not having your full range of emotions? Part of recovery is incorporating the emotions we have cut off back into our lives.

When you set a boundary you are letting someone know where your responsibility ends and their responsibility begins.

If you were shamed as a child for setting boundaries by expressing your limits chances are you are still finding it difficult as an adult. Boundaries are your protection, it feels someone where they end and you begin. Avoiding setting boundaries to not deal with the feelings that arise when doing so makes us door mats and people pleasers. No healthy relationship can exist without healthy boundaries

Changing yourself for the better is a difficult process. We have taken on roles that we have depended on for validation, acceptance, and self-worth. As we abandon our roles we will feel judgment from ourselves and the people close to us. We will feel the loss of acceptance and self-worth for a time but will be stronger and more whole at the core as we leave the role and enter the self. This judgment both internal and external is a powerful force that must be felt in order for change to be possible.