Camera Shy Guy

Video

My Instagram and YouTube videos were my way of coming out of hiding, being seen, and sharing my experience with others. I don't feel comfortable in front of the camera, that's why I did it. Looking back on them still feels painful and embarrassing, but it was the start of building myself back up. I'm leaving them up so that others who are lost like I was can follow the trail out of the darkness.



It’s Not You; It’s Your Trauma - A Trauma Podcast

It's Not About You - Trauma, PTSD, Abuse & Recovery Podcast

Real, Genuine talks about recovery, trauma, and abuse. Recovery from a toxic life is built on your responsibility. Make your life a blame-free and take yourself out of the victim role.

It’s Not You; It’s Your Trauma - A Trauma Podcast
Throughout our lifetime, we acquire many many things. We store these things in drawers, closets, storage bins, or wherever. In our minds, we keep saying, one day, I'm going to go through that drawer, that box, or that closet. We never really do. We're living in a very fast-paced world, where if you don't get something back to somebody via text message within an hour, they're outraged. Today's society leaves us with no self-space. I sure do miss the days of the phone bolted to the wall and answering machines. We need to take the time to go through our excessive baggage. Our emotions are similar to the things that we acquire. As time goes on in this life, we experience more and more events, traumas, disappointments, achievements, failures, successes, and yet we never really take the time to process them properly. We throw them in an emotional junk drawer or closet or storage bin. And they sit there eating away at us, quietly screaming for us to pay attention to them. By not paying attention or processing them, they start to dictate how we live. Whether or not we want to live that way. Having all those emotional events put away instead of dealt with is what keeps us down. It keeps us buried. It keeps us under there control. You know that feeling you get when you finally clean out that closet, that storage bin or that drawer you've been putting off forever. That's the feeling you get when you start to go back and process the emotional junk drawer of your life…. Lighter and freer. As the years go on and the older you get, the more you ignore, tuck away and burry, the heavier you become emotionally. We procrastinate and avoid the things we need to take care of within ourselves. We get so used to living this way as this baggage has been acquired slowly over time, we don't even realize that it's there until one day when we have no more emotional space inside to put anything. We start to slow down because our emotional junk draw is full, and now we have to carry the excess emotional baggage with us everywhere on the surface. When will you take the time for yourself? If not, now, when? Take the time, do the work. It's a painful arc, but when you come down on the other side of the arch, life gets so much easier, so much better. Clear away all the baggage you've been burying and hiding away. Take it out, throw it on the floor, look at it, and then put it in a place that it belongs, so you never have to let it hurt you again. You're strong enough. Website: https://joeryan.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan
EP 0012 - Emotional Junk Draw
YouTube Video VVVTcGFvRVNZWS02Zm8zYnRYMXZ1VUdRLjU2QjQ0RjZEMTA1NTdDQzY=
When you change who you are within a family system, and you no longer play the role you were born into, you're taking a mirror and holding it up to everybody in that system. Holding up this mirror forces them to see themselves outside of their role, outside of their false self. It reflects a more realistic view of themselves. This view is challenging for them to see within themselves, as it takes them out of their role within the family system, and they can't see themselves outside of their role, its too painful. The system is there to support the image of their false self and mask inadequate feelings, and they will hold to it with dear life. They feel they can't live without, while not even knowing it. Instead of embracing the change that you're making within yourself so that you can live a more authentic life, they do not support you; they judge and commend you for forcing them to look at themselves. It's hard enough figuring out who you are outside of the family system, and it is ridiculously painful when you have a constant judgment from the people around you who fight your change with verbal and non-verbal judgment. When leaving the family system, there will be a strong obligation felt within to stay loyal to the people within the family system and to the system itself. This obligation will show itself as guilt, shame, and self-hatred. It is not your job to become someone you are not to make others feel better about themselves, to heal their shame, or patch the hole in their soul. You can not be there for anyone else until you are there for yourself first. Don't let the judgment of others keep you from living the life you deserve. https://www.instagram.com/joeryan/ https://joeryan.com/
EP 0011 - Leaving The Family System - It’s Not You, It’s Your Trauma - PTSD, Anxiety Joe Ryan
YouTube Video VVVTcGFvRVNZWS02Zm8zYnRYMXZ1VUdRLjI4OUY0QTQ2REYwQTMwRDI=
There is a massive disconnect in the world today, where we seem to be least connected is the connection we have with self. We spend so much time looking for outward validation, and we never really take the time to learn how to validate ourselves. Everything in this life is a reflection. People can reflect on us whatever they see, be it positive or negative. It makes no difference in the long run; what matters is what we reveal to ourselves. Take the time to get to know you by stripping away that false self, all of those family systems you adopted to fit in and survive. Invest in yourself to figure out who you are, what you want, and how you want to feel. https://www.instagram.com/joeryan/ https://joeryan.com/
EP 0010 – Connection With Self - It’s Not You; It’s Your Trauma - Joe Ryan
YouTube Video VVVTcGFvRVNZWS02Zm8zYnRYMXZ1VUdRLjAxNzIwOEZBQTg1MjMzRjk=
Emotions are energy in motion, and anger has powerful energy behind it. When you fear other people's anger and you fear experiencing your anger, you have no self-protection. https://joeryan.com/podcast https://www.instagram.com/joeryan/
Build A Relationship With Your Anger
YouTube Video VVVTcGFvRVNZWS02Zm8zYnRYMXZ1VUdRLjUyMTUyQjQ5NDZDMkY3M0Y=
There is a massive disconnect in the world today, where we seem to be least connected is the connection we have with self. We spend so much time looking for outward validation, and we never really take the time to learn how to validate ourselves. Everything in this life is a reflection. People can reflect on us whatever they see, be it positive or negative. It makes no difference in the long run; what matters is what we reveal to ourselves. Take the time to get to know you by stripping away that false self, all of those family systems you adopted to fit in and survive. Invest in yourself to figure out who you are, what you want, and how you want to feel. Website: https://joeryan.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan
EP 0009 – Learned Helplessness
YouTube Video VVVTcGFvRVNZWS02Zm8zYnRYMXZ1VUdRLjA5MDc5NkE3NUQxNTM5MzI=
When we were abandoned as children, we learned that to matter to our source figures; we had to leave ourselves and become what they needed us to be. Abandonment will cause you not to have a sense of self. Your life becomes an endless quest to please the people around you to be accepted. We get stuck at a developmental stage of childhood. And we never really get past it unless we learn how to validate ourselves. Everything in this life is a mirror, a reflection. What are we reflecting on ourselves? Abandonment causes our mirror to be tainted with shame, self-hate, self-doubt, and self-humiliation. Our mirror became too painful to look at, and we end up putting too much energy into seeing our reflection from someone else’s mirror. The more you mirror your own thoughts, feelings, and emotions, the less the outside world matters. And the stronger you get within yourself.
EP 0008 Abandonment Reflection and Self Mirroring
YouTube Video VVVTcGFvRVNZWS02Zm8zYnRYMXZ1VUdRLjEyRUZCM0IxQzU3REU0RTE=
Drew from The Anxious Truth and I were sitting around testing out his new Podcast gear. In the testing, we got into a conversation about part of the recovery process. There were a few gems that came out in the discussion, so I decided to put it out as its own episode. We talk about when your Subconscious telling you that you’re done mood-altering. When you no longer have the energy to cover up and hide. When you are sick and tired of wearing the mask of the false self to be accepted by yourself and others, it’s time to do the work of uncovering, experiencing, facing, accepting and owing the part of you that have been cut off so that you no longer have to hide who you are, not fear your own feelings and to stop being a walking reaction to protect the parts of us we don’t want to be seen. Visit Drew at The Anxious Truth: https://theanxioustruth.com Joe at https://joeryan.com
EP 0007 – Internal Validation, Owning All Of You
YouTube Video VVVTcGFvRVNZWS02Zm8zYnRYMXZ1VUdRLjUzMkJCMEI0MjJGQkM3RUM=
EP 0006 – Step Two, Exposure Time We are hiding the parts of us that we cut off, the pieces of us that were not acceptable as children. To protect these parts of ourselves, we create a false self. This false self was our protection, protection from our authentic self being seen by us, and by others so we could survive as a child. As adults, we no longer need this protection to survive. To tear down our false self, we have to become vulnerable, vulnerable within ourselves. We have to expose our true self, the part of us that’s been hidden by the false self. We must reexperience the pain and discomfort that we felt being our authentic selves as children by way of exposure. The more we expose and experience the pain, the more we tame the emotions that we have feared. And the more we learn to love ourselves at the core, the need to wear the mask of the false self starts to diminish, and we grow closer to the authenticity within ourselves. Website: https://joeryan.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan
EP 0006 Step Two, Exposure Time
YouTube Video VVVTcGFvRVNZWS02Zm8zYnRYMXZ1VUdRLkNBQ0RENDY2QjNFRDE1NjU=
The false self is created when we have to cut off emotions that were unacceptable to our source figures. When unacceptable feelings and emotions we expressed, we were shamed and emotionally abandoned. Before logical thought was available to us. We cut off these emotions and were denied our reality in order to survive as children. To take the place of these emotions, we created a false self to give our source figures what they needed for us to be loved and connected. Whenever we need to access the emotions we have cut off we feel shame. This leaves us stuck in a childhood developmental stage. We never separated from our source figures emotionally. To free from this stage and the shame, we carry we must give up our role and separate from our source figures. We must go into shame and feel what we could not when we were children. Website: https://joeryan.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan
EP 0005 False Self, Shame, And Separation
YouTube Video VVVTcGFvRVNZWS02Zm8zYnRYMXZ1VUdRLjk0OTVERkQ3OEQzNTkwNDM=
Nothing was working for me anymore. All that has brought me joy and happiness no longer did, and I had no idea why. Motivation and desire were absent from within me, and all I could do was sit in sadness. I had bottomed out, feeling that nothing outside of myself could satisfy me anymore. What I didn’t know then is that it was step one of my recovery process. I had slowly stripped away all the people, places, and things that once made me feel good. I stopped pretending I was okay and just started to be. I sat with the feelings I have always avoided and started to explore myself and the world alone. Instead of doing where I relied on others, I starting doing where I only relied on me. The new things I discovered slowly started to become a foundation of self-trust, competence, and the core of me. Website: https://joeryan.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan
EP 0004 Step One, Fed Up And Stripped Down
YouTube Video VVVTcGFvRVNZWS02Zm8zYnRYMXZ1VUdRLkY2M0NENEQwNDE5OEIwNDY=
After recording an episode of The Anxious Truth Podcast we just kept talking. The discussion started with my account being blocked on Instagram, the reaction from friends and followers and how their response leads me to memories that had negative actions on my path going forward. Website: https://joeryan.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan The Anxious Truth Podcast: https://theanxioustruth.com
EP 0003 Blocked On Instagram
YouTube Video VVVTcGFvRVNZWS02Zm8zYnRYMXZ1VUdRLjQ3NkIwREMyNUQ3REVFOEE=
If we don't take responsibility for our own emotions and reactions we will never heal. We will live this endless loop of blame and victimhood. We will find our world getting smaller and smaller, experience less joy, and become more reactive over time. Living life as a walking reaction is no way to live. Pausing at the trauma response, not reacting and allowing yourself to feel the feelings you fear is the way to disarm the trauma response Website: joeryan.com Instagram: @joeryan Managed Wordpress Hosting Provided By iamhelix.com
EP 0001 Pause For The Trauma Response
YouTube Video VVVTcGFvRVNZWS02Zm8zYnRYMXZ1VUdRLkQwQTBFRjkzRENFNTc0MkI=
It's Not About You - Trauma, PTSD, Abuse & Recovery Podcast: Shift Your Focus From Internalizing How You Perceive People See You And Start Looking At How You View Yourself. Validate From The Inside Out. Website: www.joeryan.com Instagram: wwww.instagram.com/joeryan
EP 0002 - Validating From The Inside Out
YouTube Video VVVTcGFvRVNZWS02Zm8zYnRYMXZ1VUdRLjk4NEM1ODRCMDg2QUE2RDI=
Unexpected trauma responses are like getting hit by an emotional truck. Our body and emotions are taken over and we lose all sense of clarity as we are taken back to the time of the original trauma. We feel the original fear and panic, we are scared and react instantly. Our first response is to blame. If we can hold off on our blame response and pause to feel the feelings we are overwhelmed with, only then can we start to end the unconscious reactive patterns and free ourselves from trauma responses.
Pause at the trauma response
YouTube Video VVVTcGFvRVNZWS02Zm8zYnRYMXZ1VUdRLjMwODkyRDkwRUMwQzU1ODY=
Blaming keeps us in the victim role and takes away all of our power. We give all of our energy and emotions away when we blame others. Taking accountability is empowering, difficult but empowering. When you are triggered and want to blame, don’t! Sit with the uncomfortable and painful feelings, own them, grieve them and then let them go. Don’t spend your life in chains of your reactions.
Taking accountability for trauma responses
YouTube Video VVVTcGFvRVNZWS02Zm8zYnRYMXZ1VUdRLjUzOTZBMDExOTM0OTgwOEU=
What emotions did you have to cut off to be loved? How have you overcompensated for not having your full range of emotions? Part of recovery is incorporating the emotions we have cut off back into our lives.
Do you have full access to all of your emotions
YouTube Video VVVTcGFvRVNZWS02Zm8zYnRYMXZ1VUdRLkRBQTU1MUNGNzAwODQ0QzM=
When you set a boundary you are letting someone know where your responsibility ends and their responsibility begins.
A boundary is a responsibility line
YouTube Video VVVTcGFvRVNZWS02Zm8zYnRYMXZ1VUdRLjVBNjVDRTExNUI4NzM1OEQ=
If you were shamed as a child for setting boundaries by expressing your limits chances are you are still finding it difficult as an adult. Boundaries are your protection, it feels someone where they end and you begin. Avoiding setting boundaries to not deal with the feelings that arise when doing so makes us door mats and people pleasers. No healthy relationship can exist without healthy boundaries
Fear of setting boundaries
YouTube Video VVVTcGFvRVNZWS02Zm8zYnRYMXZ1VUdRLjIxRDJBNDMyNEM3MzJBMzI=
Changing yourself for the better is a difficult process. We have taken on roles that we have depended on for validation, acceptance, and self-worth. As we abandon our roles we will feel judgment from ourselves and the people close to us. We will feel the loss of acceptance and self-worth for a time but will be stronger and more whole at the core as we leave the role and enter the self. This judgment both internal and external is a powerful force that must be felt in order for change to be possible.
Judgment of Change
YouTube Video VVVTcGFvRVNZWS02Zm8zYnRYMXZ1VUdRLjlFODE0NEEzNTBGNDQwOEI=
Relying on others to fill us up leads to disappointment and blame. Expecting others to meet our needs and clear a path so we don’t feel any pain or discomfort takes away our own accountability and gives away our empowerment.
I am my own responsibility
YouTube Video VVVTcGFvRVNZWS02Zm8zYnRYMXZ1VUdRLkQ0NThDQzhEMTE3MzUyNzI=
The depth of an emotional relationship is determined by how vulnerable the two of you can be together. If you are pushing away instead of becoming vulnerable then the pattern begins and the relationship starts to erode. The emotional blind stop is where vulnerability becomes real and necessary
Emotional blind spots in relationships
YouTube Video VVVTcGFvRVNZWS02Zm8zYnRYMXZ1VUdRLjIwOEEyQ0E2NEMyNDFBODU=
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