EP 0091 -Narcissistic Gaslighting

EP 0091 -Narcissistic Gaslighting

It’s Not You – It’s Your Unhealed Need for Their Approval

You keep showing up at the same empty well, hoping this time the narcissistic parent or partner will finally see you, value you, and treat you with basic respect. They won’t. The gaslighting isn’t the real problem anymore. Your desperate willingness to swallow it is.

The Real Source of Gaslighting’s Power
Gaslighting only lands because a part of you still believes your worth depends on what they think. Their manipulation has almost nothing to do with you and everything to do with their own unhealed damage. They became their abuser. They pass on the same shame, denial, and emotional cruelty they were forced to carry. The moment you stop reacting, stop explaining, stop trying to prove you’re not crazy, their words lose their grip. You see them clearly—broken, scared, incapable of giving what they never received. That shift begins inside you, not them.

Why You Keep Taking the Bait
You were trained young to believe love must be earned through perfection and approval. Anger wasn’t safe. Sadness wasn’t allowed. So you learned to delay it, suppress it, turn it inward. When they twist reality, you don’t feel the rage right away—you feel confusion, shame, self-doubt. Later, alone, the anger arrives, but by then you’re already beating yourself up for “overreacting.” Deep down you still crave the one thing they can never provide: proof that you’re enough. That old wound keeps the door open for more gaslighting. You’re not weak. You’re loyal to a childhood survival script that no longer serves you.

The Brutal Cost of Staying in the Pattern
Every time you return to that dynamic, hoping for change, you hand them your nervous system. You stay small, hypervigilant, scanning for the next attack. You lose years to resentment, rumination, and the exhausting performance of “not letting them get to you.” Addictions creep in—work, people-pleasing, alcohol, endless scrolling—anything to avoid the pain of admitting the well is dry. The longer you wait for them to see your value, the more you abandon yourself. The most devastating price isn’t their cruelty. It’s the self-respect you keep sacrificing to keep the connection alive.

How to Begin Breaking Free
Start small and stay brutally honest. Notice when your body tightens at their words—don’t argue, don’t defend, just feel the clench in your chest or gut. Build tolerance for that sensation instead of escaping into thought or reaction. Ask yourself in the moment: why do I still care what this person thinks of me? Return to your body over and over. Practice not responding. Practice silence. Practice walking away when the old script starts playing. No shortcuts exist. No partner, no achievement, no amount of evidence will fix what lives inside. This work is yours alone.

Three Important Takeaways

• Gaslighting only works when you still tie your worth to their opinion of you.
• Reacting less doesn’t mean they’ll suddenly change—it means their tactics lose power over your nervous system.
• Real freedom begins the moment you stop begging for respect from people who refuse to respect themselves.

Conclusion
Stop waiting for them to wake up. They may never. But you can. Every time you choose your own peace over their chaos, you reclaim a piece of yourself. The anger, the grief, the fear—they’re not the enemy. They’re the signals pointing you back home to the self you were never allowed to become. Keep showing up for that version of you. The well they offer is poisoned. The one inside you is still waiting to be filled. Get to work.