Randomness From My Head

If You Grew Up In An Unstable And Untrustworthy Environment, You Did Not Feel Safe To Be Authentic.
To Feel Safe, You Had To Lie To Yourself And The World By Wearing A Mask. You Adapted To What The Environment Needed.
You Never Had The Chance To Discover Who You Are And What You Genuinely Believe In

We Were Never Taught How To Take Care Of Ourselves. We Were Taught How To Be Helpless And Dependent So That We Would Never Leave Our Source Figures. We Were Set Up To Take Care Of Their Abandonment Issue, To Ensure That We Would Always Be Loyal And Never Leave Them. It Came At The Price Of Our Authenticity. To Reclaim Ourselves, We Must Leave Them Emotionally. Learn How To Care For Ourselves And Not Concern Ourselves With How They Feel About Us. This Is The Path To Freedom, Happiness, And Joy.

We Need A Better Reflection Than Our Internal Mirror, A More Realistic One. By Surrounding Ourselves With Better People, We Can Find A Mirror That Will Help Us Change Our Negative Self- Reflection.

Without A Healthy Connection To Our Caregivers, We Were Unable To Connect With Ourselves. We Longed For The Attention That We Never Received As Children, And Even As Adults, We Craved It Desperately. Without This Attention, We Felt Like We Didn’t Exist, Just As We Did During Our Childhood. This Feeling Of Emptiness Led To Codependency And Self-loathing.

Healthy Anger And Boundaries Serve As A Person’s Protection. However, In Families That Are Shame-based, Members Who Are Not Allowed To Express Anger Or Set Boundaries May Resort To Adopting Certain Attitudes And Or Rebellion As A Way To Protect Themselves From Other Family Members Who Often Try To Control, Manipulate, And Shame Them.

We Spend All Our Lives Trying To Prove Our Worth To Others, Hoping That Someone Will Love Us Because We Don’t Know How To Love Ourselves. It’s Only When We Stop Seeking Validation From Others That We Begin To Love Ourselves And Realize Our True Worth.

Recovery Is Finding Out Why You Hate Yourself And Then Figuring Out How To Love The Parts You Hate

Since The Day You Were Born, All The Decisions And Sacrifices Made Were For Ensuring You Have A Better Life Than The One I Had. I Always Want You To Feel Loved, Valued And Supported. Looking Back, I Realize That Some Of My Choices Were Driven By My Own Fears, Limitations, And Unacknowledged Blind Spots

When You Replace Your Ego With Quiet Confidence, You Will Experience True Freedom. The Transition Between Ego And Confidence Can Be Quite Painful, But It Is Necessary. It Is During This Transition That We Build Trust In Ourselves, And Confidence Will Always Naturally Follow Trust

We Must Confront Our Fears To Understand Our Self-hate

Shift Your Efforts Towards Accepting Yourself Before Seeking Approval From Others. This Change Will Transform Your Life, Leaving You Content And Fulfilled.

Overcoming Self-sabotage Requires Acknowledging And Facing Our Fears Of Vulnerability And Powerlessness As We Venture Into New And Unknown Territory. It’s About Shedding The Belief That We Are Frauds And Embracing The Courage To Be Seen For Who We Truly Are.

We Need To Focus On Our Personal Growth And Development To Reach A Stage Where The Opinions Of Others Do Not Have A Significant Impact On Us. The People Who Judge Us Negatively Are Often Dealing With Their Own Emotional Issues And May Unconsciously Want Us To Feel As Bad As They Do. They May Not Want Us To Succeed In Any Way, As It Can Make Them Feel Inferior. Therefore, They Shame Us To Avoid Facing Their Own Shame.

We Need To Create A Safe And Secure Environment For Ourselves, A Place Where We Can Give Our Nervous System A Break. Once We Are Comfortable And Confident Living In That Environment, We Can Gradually Expand Our Horizons As We Confront And Overcome Our Fears.

Accessing Repressed Memories and Emotions Starts With Sitting With Our Feelings And Trying Not To attach to Them. Staying Emotionally Neutral As The Fear, Humiliation, And Shame Arise Within Us. Reliving Everything We Had Endured And Since Been Avoiding And Running From. The Fear No Longer Surrounds Us. It Lives Within Us And Screams To Be Felt, Heard, Grieved, And Released.

Underneath It All Comes Down To The Same Thing For Everyone… Shame. Once We Can Agree That We Are All Coming From The Same Place, It Levels The Playing Field, And Then We Can All Heal Collectively.

Life Starts When You No Longer Have The Energy To Control The Narrative Of How You Need To Be Seen To Feel Safe, Secure, And Loved; You Take All That Energy You Are Wasting And Turn It Into The Courage To Be Seen

I Was Afraid Of My Anger Reactions; I Knew They Were Not Rational, Yet I Could Not Control Them. I Did Not Trust Myself As I Was So Reactive. Everything And Everyone Felt Like A Threat. I Was Fiercely Guarded And Protected, So I Limited My Time With Others. My World Became Small Until I Got In Touch With My Healthy Anger

You Can Not Have Emotional Growth Without Anger And Vulnerability. Better Learn How To Get Comfortable With Both If You Want To Heal

Emotional Incest Is Long Term, Non-physical Sex Abuse That Will Rob You Of Feeling Safe With Any Form Of Intimacy, And An Inability To Set Boundaries

We Need To Grow Up Emotionally By Going Back To That Emotionally Stuck Child, Meeting Them At Their Pain Level, And Raise Them Our Way, Not By The Belief System That Was Imposed On Us

How Bad Does The Pain Have To Become Before You Do Something About It? What Are You Actively Doing To Improve Your Circumstances? Listening, Reading, And Watching Are Passive Procrastination. Wake The Fuck Up And Change Your Life.

We Played Helpless For So Long As We Wanted What We Didn’t Have. Someone, Anyone To Help Us, Guide Us, Be There For Us In The Ways We Needed. We Are Terrified To Parent Ourselves Because We Don’t Know How To Grow Up Emotionally Alone. Being There For Ourselves Was Not Only Not Modeled For Us, It Wasn’t Allowed

If You Want To Recover, You Need To Learn How To Deal With Your Internal Dialog And Body Reactions When Disappointing Others

Nobody Was There For You, And You Don’t Trust Anyone Will Ever Be. Unconsciously, You Have Been Looking For This Person, But You Will Never Find Them Because You Don’t Trust Yourself Enough To Let Anyone In. You Desire Connection. You Fear It. You Are Stuck Living In A Post Hypnotic Trance Of Neglect

There Is Fear Trapped In Our Bodies. We Avoid It, Try To Stay Ten Steps Ahead Of It, Trying To Outrun It. It Is This Aversion To Internal Fear That Keeps Us Emotionally Stuck. It Is Not Until We Bring This Unconscious Fear Back Into Consciousness That We Begin To Heal, Become Unstuck And Move Forward.

You Needed Me To Abandon Myself To Regulate You, To Fill That Hole In Your Soul, Feed Your Ego, And Take On Your Shame So You Didn’t Feel Worthless Anymore. You Used Me, Took Me Hostage, Killed My Free Will, Enslaved My Soul, And Left Me With No Self Worth Or Value Outside Of Me Meeting Your Unmet Needs.

A Great Source Of Your Pain Is The Loneliness From Being Neglected. You Feel Unloved And Unable To Protect Yourself From Being Used. As In Childhood, Without Self Trust And Self Protection, Isolation Becomes Your Safety And Greatest Fear. It Is Not Until You Feel Safe Within Your Body And Trust Yourself That You Will Feel Safe Around Others.

When You Work Through Shame And Self Hate, You Can Start To See Yourselves Through A More Realistic Lens. It Is Through This Lens That Acceptance And Personal Growth Breeds New Life And Emotional Freedom

Our Strength Comes From Our Vulnerability. Each Time We Are Vulnerable And Survive, We Are Teaching Ourselves That We Are Stronger Than Our Fears And We No Longer Need To Expend Our Energy To Protect That Space Within Us, Which Makes Us Feel Freer In Our Bodies. Vulnerability Is Our Strength

When You Feel You Have No Worth Or Value, You Think You Have Nothing To Protect So That You Can Set Any Boundaries. It’s When You Find That One Spot That’s Worth Protecting Everything Changes. That’s When Setting Boundaries Starts To Become Easier. Find One Place In Your Life That Is Worth Protecting And Build On That

You Are Holding On To Who You Needed To Be To Survive. The Fear Of Being Anything Other Than In Survival Mode, Feels Unprotected, Vulnerable, And Fearful. How Can I Survive Without My Unconscious Defenses? Do We Even Know What We Are Protecting Ourselves From? Until We Know What We Are Protecting And Why, We Will Never Be At Peace.

Joy Is Not Based On Riches; It’s Based On The Number Of Meaningful Connections You Have In Your Life. You Can’t Have Genuine Relationships With Others Until You Learn How To Live Within Your Own Body And Connect With Yourself First

Most Of Us Grew Up In A Place Where Our Anger Was Met With The Loss Of Love And Connection. We Learned How To Be Nice People, Pleasing Doormats. Without Our Anger, We Have No Power Or Protection. This Opens The Door For Fear And Anxiety.

The Is No Substitute In Recovery For Legitimate Suffering. You Must Experience The Hurt You Are Avoiding To Heal. Fact, End Of Story, Exclamation Point! Until You Legitimately Suffer, You Will Unnecessarily Suffer.

It’s Not You; It’s The Shallow Unaware World We Live In. They Bought Into The Bullish Of Power, Status, And Greed. They Need That Attention Because They Are Empty Inside. You Are Real, Heart And Soul, In A World That Worships Fake And Superficial. Fuck Them For Making You Feel Less Than Others. You Are More Than Enough. Live Your Truth

Two Important Questions You Can Ask Yourself Are, What Am I Avoiding And Why. These Are The Questions That Will Lead You To The Shame You Carry. Are You Asking Yourself The Right Questions?

When All Your Loyalty Has Been To Abandon Yourself For Your Family System And All Your Obligations And Responsibilities Are Completed, And Everyone Is Off Living Their Life, You Feel Like You Have Been Left Behind Without A Purpose. The Silence Is Deafening Until You Become Unstuck By Fighting Through The Guilt And Fear To Find Out Who You Are Alone And Then Build Your Life Your Way.

We Don’t Avoid Our Sadness; We Embrace It. We Invite It To The Table And Share A Meal With It. We Get To Know The Story Of Our Sorrow. Once We Understand What Scares Us, We Can, Embrace, And Integrate It Back Into Our Consciousness; We No Longer Have To Avoid The Parts Of Us We Fear

Confidence Will Manifest As We Acquire An Intimate Knowledge Of Oneself

We Don’t Wait For Our Situation To Change For Us To Be Happy; We Change Our Way Of Being To Create An Environment Where Joy Can Reside Without Fear

What You Are Ashamed Of Is The Exact Thing That Is Holding You Back. Lean Into Your Shame To Discover What Is Under It So That You Can Live Free Again

Hypervigilance Is Eroding Your Soul. You Are Safe Now. You Can Pay Less Attention To The Outside World. Go Inward, Tap That Source Of Joy Within You. It Has Been Waiting For You All This Time. All You Need To Do Is Trust Yourself.

Part Of Recovery Is Learning How To Deal With Our Emotional Reactions While Disappointing Others So That We Can Stop Disappointing Ourselves

Trauma Is Cancer Of The Soul. It Eats Away At You A Little More Each Day. It Will Take You Over And Destroys The Person You Once Were. Unless You Get In There And Start To Work It Out Of Yourself. Recovery Is Possible

Nobody Supported Your Emotional Growth. You Were Not Allowed To Grow Up And Live Your Own Life. It Was Unspoken, But You Felt It Deeply, And Your Survival As A Child Depended On You Staying A Child. If I Stay A Child, I Will Be Loved And Protected. “If I Grow Up And Stand On My Own, I Will Disappoint, People Will Abandon Me, And I Will Be Left All Alone.” Being Alone And Abandoned As A Child Can Produce A Fear That Feels Like Death. We Carry This As An Unconscious Core Belief.

One Positive Mirroring Face Can Change Your Life. You Will Not Find One Until You Come Out Of Hiding And Show Yourself. We Can’t Be Mirrored Unless We Are Seen.

Boundaries Are To Keep People In Our Lives, Not To Cut Them Out. Either You Respect My Boundary, Or I Can No Longer Associate With You…. Your Choice. I’m Good Either Way.