It’s Not You; It’s Your Trauma
EP 0018 – Anger, Allowed To Have It? (Subscription)
It’s Not You – It’s Your Anger
Anger is often feared as violence or destruction, yet it is a vital protector when expressed healthily. For many, childhood taught that anger brought rejection or punishment, so it was buried deep. The cost is a life without a full emotional range—leaving us vulnerable, self-hating, and incomplete. Reclaiming anger means facing the fear of feeling it, and learning it can exist without rage.
Anger Is Buried to Survive
When children express anger and face shame, rejection, or punishment, they learn it is unsafe. To secure love, they cut off anger, turning into people-pleasers or “nice” versions of themselves. This false self protects from abandonment but leaves no emotional shield against disrespect or harm.
Suppressed Anger Turns Inward
Without permission to express anger, it becomes internalized as self-hate, sadness, or shame. The energy of unexpressed anger builds quietly, fueling exhaustion, addiction, or explosive moments. Constantly suppressing it drains the soul, creating a cycle where we punish ourselves for feelings we were never allowed to have.
Reclaiming Anger Rebuilds Protection
Healing requires acknowledging anger as valid and learning to express it without violence. Owning anger sets boundaries, protects self-worth, and reduces self-hate. The process is scary—anger once felt like death—but integrating it restores wholeness, strength, and the ability to stand up without fear of loss.
Three Important Takeaways
- Anger is a natural protector; childhood rejection taught many to bury it, creating a false self that leaves us vulnerable.
- Suppressed anger turns inward as self-hate and fuels addiction or exhaustion; unexpressed emotions grow louder until faced.
- Reclaiming anger requires feeling it safely, setting boundaries, and integrating it to restore protection and wholeness.
Conclusion
Anger is not the enemy—suppressing it is. When childhood taught that anger brought rejection or punishment, it was buried to survive, creating a false self that pleases but never protects. Over time, unexpressed anger turns inward as self-hate, exhaustion, and disconnection. Healing begins by acknowledging anger as valid, feeling it without shame, and learning to express it healthily. Each step toward owning anger rebuilds emotional strength, sets boundaries, and reduces self-punishment. The process is uncomfortable and slow, but on the other side lies wholeness—no longer split between “nice” and rage, but integrated and protected. That is the quiet power of reclaiming what was once too dangerous to feel.
