EP 0069 – Origin Of The False Self

In this episode, Joe discusses the origin and development of one’s “false self.” Joe’s take is that this starts at a very early age (about 24 months), a “psychological birth” time when a child realizes they are not one with their parents or caregivers. At this point, they try to start separating themselves to find their own identity.

This episode includes bold statements regarding subjects like supporting young children and their feelings of not wanting to share their toys, sitting in timeouts that eventually associate feeling sitting alone equals feeling shameful, making your own decisions against your family’s wishes, etc. vs. feeling that you are being supported in your position. Joe states that this is the earliest stages of creating boundaries within your family to help you survive in the real world under your own rules as opposed to doing what is expected of you, regardless of how you really feel.

in this Episode:

  • Throwing temper tantrums to try and separate from your parents – the conundrum of parents and other adults seeing you as unruly vs. your first experiences in becoming independent and learning to become their own person (and parents’ first experiences in trying to mold you)
  • Learning self-identity while your parents impose their ways on you and try to keep you in a box of family rules and bind you to them
  • Forming our false self out of fear, staying in good graces, and avoiding rejection
  • Becoming “what your parents need you to be” vs. doing what you feel is right in learning to become more confident and secure in your own self.
  • Learning to break the chains of your past from how your parents made you become emotionally dependent on them to keep them tied to them for the rest of your life to fill holes in their life, making you a slave to their self-worth and desires
  • Learning how to dismantle the false self by going against the family system that isn’t your beliefs and start to set your own boundaries
  • Looking for positive mirroring faces to help us not feel bad about ourselves and justify our feelings and decisions
  • Learning that being alone shouldn’t feel shameful

This episode provides strong insight into how you can develop your own independence and feelings of validity in learning to trust your instincts and decisions. Belonging to self and doing things you enjoy will make your world bigger and more fulfilled!

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