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EP 0078 – Terrible Two’s and Separation

The terrible two in children is a vital step in their emotional development. It is a psychological birth that starts separation and independence from caregivers.

At this stage, the child goes from helpless dependent to more of an independent role as the child starts to realize that they are not one but separate from their caregivers.

Allowing a child to separate, become more independent, and figure out who they are is one of the most important gifts a parent can give a child.

Most parents do not allow a child to separate. The child is now limited by what the parent will allow. They learn that independence is not permitted, and the child stays emotionally bonded to the parent just as they were in infancy. The child will run all thoughts, emotions, and actions through the ‘parent filter.’ They never learn to make their own decisions, find confidence in themselves, and never grow up or leave home emotionally.

As the child grows into an adult, they are emotionally stuck at this development stage and need the approval of their parents and everyone with whom they have relationships throughout their life.

The internal fears of abandonment turn them into codependent people pleasers who are on an endless quest to find someone, anyone, to permit them to be themselves.

In this Episode:

  • Letting kids grow up and not expecting them to take care of your emotional needs!
  • What happens when parents sabotage their children’s successes or independence because of their “unlived” lives?
  • Going from being needed all the time to essentially not being needed at all
  • Letting kids be and not trying to shame them into things you want them to do
  • How the “good parent”, especially in divorce, will always get the short end of the stick
  • Avoid feeling betrayed by our child’s independence and lack of need for us.

This episode covers the why’s of what people do to combat this initial behavior and the irreparable damage it can cause to a child. The terrible twos are also linked to a teenager’s later years of struggling for that greater need for independence. How are they connected, and what are the ramifications? What is the impact for both the child and the parent(s), and how does all of this impact all involved? This episode reminds us that children can’t be there for your benefit or to fill the holes we have in our souls! It’s not healthy for them, and it’s not healthy for us!

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