Pain Of Knowing

Pain motivates, pain inspires, pain hurts.
Pain breeds and festers.
pain can be hidden and buried
pain has to be released
Pain hides in the deepest recesses of our minds.
Buried where it can’t be found.
Hidden by our fears.

Pain is our controller.
It moves us in unquestionable directions.
Pain determines who we are,
how much we can grow.
Unreleased pain paralyzes
our will to be free.

Pain unreleased is crippling,
a straight jacket holding us
sheltered and enclosed.
Afraid to reach out, afraid to feel,
Terrified to be real.

Paint released
-ah but how
-our little rituals
-ah temporary relief
-relief or our little distractions.
Like an aspirin for a broken heart,
a placebo for the mind.
Mend your ways to break the chains
that hold your pain.

Driven by an uncontrollable force,
we are powerless to question the reasons,
for the fear of knowing.

The force is driven from the pain
that has left the void in our soul.

To abandon our rituals,
to question our force
leaves us with the greatest
pain of all -emptiness.
We are driven never to abandon the rituals
to keep us from feeling.
To feel is to hurt.

Silence is pain and pain is silence.
To avoid the silence we must create.
But what do we create?
An endless paradox.
A never-ending nightmare
an endless loop of confusion.
Like a dog chasing his tail,
we are hidden in our insanity
which makes us sane.

The crippling paradox that once had
saved our soul now destroys us.
Manipulated, unable to ask
for our basic needs.
The pain of rejection and unacceptance has
tricked the mind to play
the games of the unwanted.

Passing your unwanted pain to another
is a never-ending process.
People who can’t feel their own pain
will take the pain of others.
It gives them life, it makes them feel.
There is now a purpose to their existence.

To fear your silence
sends you out of yourself.
You’re on a blind and endless search
to find the one thing,
that I now know doesn’t exist,
that will end your eternal pain.

The addiction from within,
the fear of ourselves,
always driven never content.
The void in our soul is never silent.
It yearns to be whole,
it will drive you to an insane paradox
that will never stop.

It starts out small giving
you an escape to salvation.
As you grow so does the void,
as the void grows so does the addiction.
Your addiction like weeds in a garden,
they multiply and spread covering the ground.
Taking all the water and nutrients
away from the plants.
Their roots wrapped around the plant
slowly choking the life out of it.

As the years go on you just seem to loose
interest in your garden and come to
realize that your addiction is
more powerful than your will.

As all hope seems lost
you give up on your garden
and start turning to someone else’s.
If I can weed your garden then
I can figure out how to weed mine.

Your addiction has taken over,
you now have no control,
no understanding of your ways.
Unable to live,
driven by your void trying to be filled.
An endless charade never put to rest.
All this insanity just find the acceptance
from others that you couldn’t find in yourself.


From My Book 'Coming Full Circle'.